Do you ever have those moments where your mind is on overdrive because you feel so passionate about something? I'm on that roll right now. I tried to sleep because I'm feeling very tired, but my mind won't let me. It's all because I've been feeling something very strong and powerful lately. I guess it's that time my mind, heart, and body are all screaming these words at the same time: "What the hell are you waiting for?" While building with Lego, I Really Want It by A Great Big World played on my Spotify. It amplified everything that's been on my mind and I couldn't push it away anymore. Talk about perfect timing...
I don't know about you, but I'm so positive and sure about myself. I think I've done enough soul searching already. If I do anymore, I'll just keep going in circles. I know exactly who I am. I know my weaknesses and strengths. I also know what drives me absolutely insane. In short, I'm so ready to change my life again. There are so many things right now that are causing me emotional turmoils and spasms of angst. To sum up everything, I am bottling up so much right now and I know exactly what this does to me. Before I explode and do something stupid, I know I have to get ahead of my issues and do SOMETHING. This is where it's all coming from. I'm fed up of being in this place and it's not the kind where I can push it away and laugh about it. Nope. I'm actually at the end of my rope and I need to do something HUGE. There are a list of things I've been wanting to do, but I've been so skeptical because there aren't enough signs to push me to do it (or things happen and I need to push them aside for a bit until I get my shiznit together). There are also a list of things that I want to stay away from, but it's always in my face. I believe it's time to really do something to push them all away because it's suffocating me to no end. I need to break free from all of this. I really do.
Now? I'm going to get what I want. I'm going to figure it all out and just fight my way through it all because there's no use in waiting. I'm ready to face the consequences because, at least, I tried. I'm ready to break and hurt, just to pick myself up again, because I can. I'm ready to just move my ass because the person I am right now? I'm not happy with this person. This person needs to get away and find exactly what she's looking for. I know what I want, I just need to fill in the details.
Things that didn't bother me before are now creeping into my life and it's really funny because I thought this would never happen. There are things that make more sense now than it did before. The pressure is finally hitting me and wow, it's one heck of a ride. There are things i want to bad right now, I can't sit down and wait for them to come around. I'm making the decision to go get them and finally do something for myself. Don't get me wrong, I do things for myself... but this is different. This isn't about someone bringing me down and I have something to prove. This isn't how someone has crap dangling in front of me and I have this smug look on my face. This is a physical act. What I'm looking for is a GIGANTIC move that will shock me like crazy. I need that boulder of truth to fall on top of me because my life right now... I actually hate where I'm at. Yes, Hate. There are a few things I love, but if you were to ask me about the overall? Nope. I need to get out of this and I'm going to do whatever it takes.
Life is so much bigger and better than this. I know it. Now, it's time to go get it.