#Survive: EVERYTHING THAT I FEARED WOULD HAPPEN, HAPPENED.

I was that pseudo-millenial-thinker when it came to the work force. I didn't want to go corporate. I didn't want stressful office hours. I didn't want to be a "slave". I also didn't want to drive all the way to work and go through traffic after a long day. I spent many years doing freelance work (which wasn't bad at all) plus doing 'work-from-home' jobs here and there. The most recent job though... it was the worst experience so far. I won't get into detail, but it did push me to wake up and prove a point. Okay, more of prove a point to myself. I went ahead and told myself, let's give the advertising industry a shot. Thing is, the ad world has always been my angel and demon. I feared it so much, but at the same time, I was curious. All the horrors stories of people dying or having breakdowns got me scared because I KNOW myself... if i'm super stressed out, I don't cry or rant, I get VERY ANGRY. I've been working sooooo hard to control (and even eliminate!) my anger issues, so deliberately placing myself in a place that could bring all those anger issues back??? Am I crazy?! 

I went ahead and tried. With help and a whole lotta pushing, I was able to grab a freelancing gig at BBDO. If I do well, then there's a chance of absorption. Cool! Well... guess what, it's been a week and EVERYTHING THAT I FEARED WOULD HAPPEN, HAPPENED. HAHA! 

• Over-time almost every night. I get in at 9:30am and I leave at 9-10pm. That's 12 hours... everyday. Come on... like that's a little insane. I know I work longer hours at home, but the fridge it right there and I'm wearing comfortable clothes. 
• I had to go to work on a Saturday to help with a Pitch and stayed waaaay past my 'bedtime'. 
• I dealt with a toxic workmate. I swear this one shocked the hell out of me! They're real! They exist! They're a whole diff kinda person! 
• Received a Job Order late within the day and had to bring it home cos it was already 11:30pm and I was still at the office. Worked til 4am and had to get up at 6am cos you know... work the next day. 
• HAD A PANIC ATTACK. Holy crapola. Yup, I panicked and I legit went hella negative for like 30 mins? I think? All the things I hated about myself came out, but my best friend grabbed me by the collar like a boss and told me to calm the fuck down. That helped. A LOT. hahaha. 

The most interesting part in all of this is.... I'm fine and I'm ready to do more work. I thought this would make me doubt everything, but nah, let's work harder and get back in there!!! 

After my first week, there are lots of things I realized. When I say "lots", I mean A WHOLE LONG LIST OF THINGS. I won't go through that list because I want to know which ones to work on first, but I'm convinced I need to up my game by a lot. I never thought I was THEE BEST SHIZZ FIZZLE DAMN RIGHT AWESOME DESIGNER, but I know I have skills and there's still a whole lot of space for growth. For the past 12 years, I worked really hard on Conceptualization, Illustration, and Art Direction, but I didn't work hard on the more technical side of design. I can create things inside my head like a boss. Branding became my passion and I can create a whole identity and execute it. Layouting is SO MUCH FUN. I didn't know I also needed to work on my photoshop / editing skills. This is where I'm struggling. In my many years of design, I never had to do this kind of editing. So, I have to work double time and really go back to everything i've studied in the past. 

BRING IT. I'm ready. I'm not sure if I'll stay in this company. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'm enjoying this ride so far. It's only been a week and I already learned many many things. A lot of life lessons if you ask me. Most importantly, I'm finally answering questions I've been thinking about for a long time now: I have the passion and drive, I just needed a place to show it. My life is moving forward and I'm happy about that. I don't feel so stuck anymore, so it's time to keep moving and grow even more. There's so much more to learn and I'm so excited about it.