Letters to People 1.0

1. I'm sorry for all that's happened, but I don't regret anything. As much as I want to praise you, I won't, because it's not needed right now. I don't blame you for anything in particular, but I can't help but feel a little angst towards the experience. There are things I can't shake off because they were so... I don't even know what word to use... I think the shock of the stupidity didn't go away because you didn't do anything about it. Recently, I was shocked even more because of the bitterness you showed me. I don't know where it's coming from and I really don't want to know because it's none of my business. I'm not going to make someone else's problem my problem, especially after what you put me through. I'd love to help and be there, but I shouldn't. I'm not the right person anymore and it's better that way. 

2. My gut is telling me to prepare for something I won't want to hear. So, I'm doing exactly that. Whatever you're about to tell me, if it wrecks me then I know I need to let go. If i'm wrong, then life goes on. A part of me is scared because I know exactly what may happen in these kinds of situations, but you know what? I care about you that much, that i'm willing to go through a little pain just to understand. I'm not afraid of the pain... I can handle those things. It's the aftermath I'm afraid of. It's not about the aftermath of our friendship, but the loneliness that comes with it. I'm counting down the hours until I hear some form of bad news, but yeah, it's all going to be okay because we're both strong people. 

3. These are the times I miss you because you were one of the few people I could really open up to. I wish you were still around, but I understand why you're not. It is better this way, but I do hope you're doing well. Very well actually. My curiosity doesn't stretch that far, so I really have no clue what's happening in your life, but I still wish you're doing well. There are so many things I want to tell you and laugh about with you, but it's all okay. One day, I'll bump into you again and maybe you'll finally hear what I've been keeping in for so long. I hope you'll understand and we can walk away with a good amount of closure. I think we both need it.

4. I miss you. I wish you were here. You live so far away and it's not like I can demand you to get online when I need you. I miss our sleepovers and hang outs. I miss laughing with you. We laugh A LOT when we're together. Haha. I miss our deep conversations about life and the afterlife. I miss our secret archaic and angsty rants towards the world. I wish I could go over to your house like I used to and just talk and drink beer and smoke and then laugh again. There's so much I want to share with you and one call isn't enough. We're going to see each other real soon and it's going to be like old times. I miss you, man. 

5. I'm waiting for this weekend to end and then you and I will finally talk. I'm going to open up to you because right now, you're the only person who will listen and understand. We're not going to see eye to eye, but I know you'll still give me the best advice. I'm a little scared, but excited, because I've been preparing for this conversation for some time now. I really hope you listen. I pray you listen because you really need to hear what I have to say. I'm getting older and some of the things you've told me is finally hitting me. It's hitting me really hard actually.... so, I think it's about time I opened up about a few things that's been running through my mind.