For the ones that are close to me, they all know that I haven't had a "dude" in my life in the past 3 years. Yup, loveless and 100% single in Manila. Haha. I obviously started questioning (and doubting) myself. I started saying that no one will ever look my way or even be interested in spending time with me - well, that all changed. This entry will serve as a reflection and I guess, I want to be open about my thoughts. I'm keeping the identity of this dude private because I don't want anyone creeping on him. You know how the internet is.
On my first night in Paris, I walked around and had a beer, then i met this dude. We sat and talked for a bit. We did the basics of conversation... so what do you do? What do you like? What are your thoughts on this and that? Where are the interesting spots here? I told him about all the places I wanted to visit and he said to finish my drink cos he was going to show me something. This was when my whole night just turned around and before sleeping, I took a deep breathe, saying, "Am I dreaming?" HAHA. We started walking around and he was pointing to good restaurants around my area, then he surprised me by showing me the Paris Opera house. WHOA OK. LIKE... talk about AWESOME. Then we walked some more and and more... and more... then he told me to close my eyes and so I did. He took my hand and led me somewhere. When he said open your eyes, yup, I was standing right in front of the Louvre... at night... all lit up and beautiful. I couldn't contain my emotions at that point... I teared up and tried to hide it. Hahaha. What a weirdo. It was getting late (like 11pm i think) so we started to walk back to my place. He dropped me off and yup, he gave me the sweetest goodnight kiss. The second the front door closed... i was all, "WHAT IS HAPPENING? DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!" I was about to fall asleep when he texted, "Do you want to go on a date?" In my head, i read that in a french accent... HAHA. DUH I SAID YES!!!!
Fast track to the date, it was everything. Rock music, Electric Cars, Beer, Night walks, etc. etc. Like. WHAT. I was still questioning myself. Haha. This has got to be a dream right? I mean... who would have known the 'pessimistic towards dating' weirdo from Manila, who NO DUDE even gives a chance to, will get to experience the Romance of Paris? LIKE WHAT? No way. To be honest, kudos to him cos he totally nailed the kind of date I like. I mean come on... a live rock band in an irish bar? Plus a cute little electric car, driving around the my favorite city?! I stayed in Paris for 5 nights. I saw him 4/5 of those nights. We walked around, held hands, kissed at romantic spots, and talked like friends. On my last night, we obviously saw each other and said our goodbyes indirectly. You know what, i don't even remember saying Goodbye. Weird. Did I? Whatever, I don't remember. Haha. I guess a part of me didn't want to say goodbye.
Okay, so here's the pitch. I didn't expect any of this to happen. I really didn't. On that first night, I thought that was going to be the last time i'd see him. I thought the same for the 2nd and 3rd days. Okay, so i was totally wrong. For some weird reason, this dude wanted to hang out with me, even if he just met me. He knew I was leaving so my negative mind started to kick in. One, he knows i'm leaving so he's just taking advantage of the short time and having fun? Two, are men this romantic in Paris? Like is this their 'way of life'. Three, Why go through so much effort in seeing me for 2 hours and travel back home that's so far away? This is a little fishy. What does he want at the end of all this? I gave myself the whatever and let it all happen. Ms. Over-thinker had to shut up and just let herself enjoy the experience!!!
I got a glimpse of what could be. I'm not saying HIM in particular, but if I did have someone, what it would be like now. I'm a different person from 3 years ago and I am proud of becoming more mature, so this fling was different. It made me realize that holding hands is nice. Short and sweet kisses are perfect. Having someone to hug and hold when you had a bad experience is nice. There was this one night where I got hugged by a wet and drunk dude on the street who was telling me he loved me... I told him about it and in a heartbeat, he told me he would come to me instead of me walking to him. I mean, it's a small gesture but it means a lot, you know? Or like the fact that he took the time to come over so i could watch the Eiffel Tower's light show from my rooftop. Or like me paying for our drinks instead of him. I really got a glimpse of who I could be as a girlfriend to someone who cared and listened. Someone who will show interest in what I do or think. Someone who will share stories with me and make me laugh. I know our little fling was a vacation thing. I don't hope on anything, really, but I do appreciate and thank him for what he did. He doesn't know any of this and that's fine, haha, but yah, I'm grateful that I met him. I really am and that's why I miss him.
To all the lonely hearts out there, don't shut your heart. Don't ever believe that you're meant to be alone. Be patient because someone will come your way and see your worth. Yah, my experience was short, but it opened up my mind and heart to many possibilities. Do the same for yourself because you won't regret it. Of course, protect your heart, but don't be scared to feel SOMETHING amazing.