It seems like it was just yesterday when I took on the challenge of getting into the Ad Industry. Now, I'm officially part of it and you know what? It's not terrible. It's tiring, but it's not terrible. A lot of things have happened since then and I figured out a few things about myself. The reflections and realizations keep coming in and it's been a good journey so far. There are a bunch of 'lows' but it's totally teaching me things I didn't know about myself (or it has given me MORE clarity).
Now, I'm 1 month in the job I prayed for and, well, let's say, I'm smiling and nodding my head because I made the right choice. When I first walked in, I had an idea of what my work life would be like. I talked to myself and pretty much said I had to gear up because this was going to be one of those "battles" I had to win. I had to convince myself I could do this and most importantly, I had to prepare for the switch in lifestyle. I was used to sleeping early. My body stopped partying a long time ago... haha. I was used to working on my own timeframe. There are so many things I had to stop. Good call. I'm learning so much in my 1st month and that's what is motivating me to go to work. It's been Overtime after Overtime for us, but I'm mentally and physically ready to take on the pressure because I'm learning more and more each day. I had zero knowledge on After Effects and how to make awesome gifs, but now? I can do it and there's still so much more to learn. I am POOP / CRAP when it comes to stitching images, but for the 1st time in my working life, there are people who will teach me their techniques and won't make me feel like I'm the dumbest one in the group. What matters most to me is I don't forget what they teach me and I keep working on my weaknesses, right? I'm headstrong in doing that. Let's talk about the people. This is what I love love love love. I don't have a hard time adapting, but it takes time for me to settle in new places. I love the people. They're really my cup of tea. I enjoy their humour. It's always fun to just hang out and talk to them. What I enjoy the most is they're down to earth and I like that. No one name drops. No one talks about themselves like there's no tomorrow. They always offer a helping hand. They tease me about being conyo A LOT hahaha but that's fine. HAHA. So far, so good. I can only pray it stays this way for a long time. There are so many things I have to work on, but I feel like I can do it. So, it was my first week on my new and wow, OT everyday. Haha. I expected this, but not every single day of the week.
Anyways, I'm writing this post because I have a few things on my mind that I want to share.
I needed to reflect on my first week and yup, I have so many things to focus on. Like every other company, I'm on 6 months probation and I hope by my 6th month, I've improved a lot. I will try to catch up, but I can't help but feel a little nervous at this point. I want to be able to contribute, but I still have a lot to learn about the ad industry. I have to act and be an "art director" now. I don't mean to place so much pressure on myself, but I want to be excellent like my other team mates. I want to be unstoppable. I want my teammates to rely on me too. It's going to be all okay, Carms. You know your weaknesses, but you also know your strengths. Let's use them now. Because I'm not one of those people who crave to really "be one with nature", I have to say, this one was totally worth it because I've never done anything like it before. My friend, Jordan, messaged me one day and said he was finally heading back to the Philippines. So, in the midst of our excitement, we decided to take a trip to Buscalan, Kalinga so he could get tattooed by Apo Whang Od. He arrived in Manila on January 23 and we were off to Kalinga on January 27. WE WERE PUMPED! We did our research. We planned. We were prepared. BUT YUP... we took the wrong route. We ended up being on the road for 18 hours. YES. EIGHTEEN (18). We left Manila at 9:00pm and arrived at Buscalan Proper at 3pm. We took the Tabuk Route. When we could just have taken the Bontoc Route (this route would have been quicker, but most importantly, less scary!!!). I cannot even explain how terrified I was. Yes, the scenic views were much much better driving from Tabuk, but the aftermath of landslides and muddy roads were terrifying! Despite the very long car trip and pretty much trusting Waze... we met new animal friends and saw nice sceneries. Haha. When we reached Buscalan, we talked to the locals and luckily, we found a guide, even if we were super late. Our guide, Danny, told us to prepare for the hike and wow, we did NOT expect that hike. It wasn't horrible, but out of 10, i'd put it on 6. The steep steps plus mud were a challenge! It was slippery! However, when we reached the top, it was totally worth it because the place looked beautiful and the people were so friendly that you just want to give away all the hugs you could possibly give! hahaha! The cold breeze, chattering of the people, and of course, the view made the long car trip + long hike totally worth it. We had to wait the next day for Jordan to get inked because it was already late during the day. We were told that Whang Od was already tired. So, we settled in, rested for a bit, and started to socialize with the other people who were staying at the homestead. While smoking a cigarette on our home's balcony, I had a pleasant conversation with a housemate. He arrived a few hours before we did and this led to an Inuman inside the little hut right outside our homestead. We all headed back inside by 10pm because we were told that curfew was at 10pm. Curfew meant, we could not be loud anymore... hahaha. Some still stayed, but I was crashing by 9:30pm. So, I headed inside and went to sleep. Jordan finally got inked by Apo Whang Od the next morning and wow, it was definitely a great experience to watch her work. I didn't get a tattoo done because the purpose of going there was for Jordan to get his before he leaves for the States. I know I'm going to go back, so I'm willing to wait! This was a good experience and I got to bond with my friend. I'm not the travelling type, nor am I a nature thrill seeker, so this was something different for me. I enjoyed it because I also learned to appreciate my roots so much more. I fell in love with the Philippines once again. It's nice to be reminded of how great life actually is and i believe it's experiences like this that make you see that. I made a short video of my trip: ...And just like that 2017 is over!!! I'm glad because 2017 was tough! I touched so many hurdles and had to lower my pride a whole bunch of times, but it was totally worth it. I'm not going to say hello to a new me because it's a new year, because I'm actually happy with who I am, but of course, a few changes have to happen within. I'm headstrong on this one, so come on, let's do it! I'm ready.
These are my 3 wishes for 2018:
LET'S GO 2018! Oh, I'm turning 30 on 4/12/18. How cool is that? WOOT!!! I'M SO READY!!!! Just when you think Lego couldn't come up with more building techniques, this comes around... and i'm sitting here like, whoa. No way. This is possible. hahaha. Okay, not that I've built every set Lego has ever released, but yah, this build was awesome possum.
I was so impressed by this set...! Hahaha! I was that pseudo-millenial-thinker when it came to the work force. I didn't want to go corporate. I didn't want stressful office hours. I didn't want to be a "slave". I also didn't want to drive all the way to work and go through traffic after a long day. I spent many years doing freelance work (which wasn't bad at all) plus doing 'work-from-home' jobs here and there. The most recent job though... it was the worst experience so far. I won't get into detail, but it did push me to wake up and prove a point. Okay, more of prove a point to myself. I went ahead and told myself, let's give the advertising industry a shot. Thing is, the ad world has always been my angel and demon. I feared it so much, but at the same time, I was curious. All the horrors stories of people dying or having breakdowns got me scared because I KNOW myself... if i'm super stressed out, I don't cry or rant, I get VERY ANGRY. I've been working sooooo hard to control (and even eliminate!) my anger issues, so deliberately placing myself in a place that could bring all those anger issues back??? Am I crazy?!
I went ahead and tried. With help and a whole lotta pushing, I was able to grab a freelancing gig at BBDO. If I do well, then there's a chance of absorption. Cool! Well... guess what, it's been a week and EVERYTHING THAT I FEARED WOULD HAPPEN, HAPPENED. HAHA!
After my first week, there are lots of things I realized. When I say "lots", I mean A WHOLE LONG LIST OF THINGS. I won't go through that list because I want to know which ones to work on first, but I'm convinced I need to up my game by a lot. I never thought I was THEE BEST SHIZZ FIZZLE DAMN RIGHT AWESOME DESIGNER, but I know I have skills and there's still a whole lot of space for growth. For the past 12 years, I worked really hard on Conceptualization, Illustration, and Art Direction, but I didn't work hard on the more technical side of design. I can create things inside my head like a boss. Branding became my passion and I can create a whole identity and execute it. Layouting is SO MUCH FUN. I didn't know I also needed to work on my photoshop / editing skills. This is where I'm struggling. In my many years of design, I never had to do this kind of editing. So, I have to work double time and really go back to everything i've studied in the past. BRING IT. I'm ready. I'm not sure if I'll stay in this company. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'm enjoying this ride so far. It's only been a week and I already learned many many things. A lot of life lessons if you ask me. Most importantly, I'm finally answering questions I've been thinking about for a long time now: I have the passion and drive, I just needed a place to show it. My life is moving forward and I'm happy about that. I don't feel so stuck anymore, so it's time to keep moving and grow even more. There's so much more to learn and I'm so excited about it. Every year, I take my babies (my nephews and nieces) trick or treating, but this year was special because I got to go around with my balikbayan godson, Kiko! My cousin's friends joined us too so there were more kids this year! I'm not complaining because the more they are, the more fun we have! Hahaha!
Yup, I'm getting older because running and walking around making sure the kids stick together and none of them gets lost is hardwork, but it's totally worth it. It's the one time of the year they can go totally nuts on the streets, candy, and imagination. It's also the one time of the year I get to be a big kid. Haha. Yup at 29 years old, I still have my pumpkin / bag saying trick or treat so i could get candy! Lucky enough, most of the neighbours know me... so they will always drop goodies in my bag! Hahahahaha! For the ones that are close to me, they all know that I haven't had a "dude" in my life in the past 3 years. Yup, loveless and 100% single in Manila. Haha. I obviously started questioning (and doubting) myself. I started saying that no one will ever look my way or even be interested in spending time with me - well, that all changed. This entry will serve as a reflection and I guess, I want to be open about my thoughts. I'm keeping the identity of this dude private because I don't want anyone creeping on him. You know how the internet is.
On my first night in Paris, I walked around and had a beer, then i met this dude. We sat and talked for a bit. We did the basics of conversation... so what do you do? What do you like? What are your thoughts on this and that? Where are the interesting spots here? I told him about all the places I wanted to visit and he said to finish my drink cos he was going to show me something. This was when my whole night just turned around and before sleeping, I took a deep breathe, saying, "Am I dreaming?" HAHA. We started walking around and he was pointing to good restaurants around my area, then he surprised me by showing me the Paris Opera house. WHOA OK. LIKE... talk about AWESOME. Then we walked some more and and more... and more... then he told me to close my eyes and so I did. He took my hand and led me somewhere. When he said open your eyes, yup, I was standing right in front of the Louvre... at night... all lit up and beautiful. I couldn't contain my emotions at that point... I teared up and tried to hide it. Hahaha. What a weirdo. It was getting late (like 11pm i think) so we started to walk back to my place. He dropped me off and yup, he gave me the sweetest goodnight kiss. The second the front door closed... i was all, "WHAT IS HAPPENING? DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!" I was about to fall asleep when he texted, "Do you want to go on a date?" In my head, i read that in a french accent... HAHA. DUH I SAID YES!!!! Fast track to the date, it was everything. Rock music, Electric Cars, Beer, Night walks, etc. etc. Like. WHAT. I was still questioning myself. Haha. This has got to be a dream right? I mean... who would have known the 'pessimistic towards dating' weirdo from Manila, who NO DUDE even gives a chance to, will get to experience the Romance of Paris? LIKE WHAT? No way. To be honest, kudos to him cos he totally nailed the kind of date I like. I mean come on... a live rock band in an irish bar? Plus a cute little electric car, driving around the my favorite city?! I stayed in Paris for 5 nights. I saw him 4/5 of those nights. We walked around, held hands, kissed at romantic spots, and talked like friends. On my last night, we obviously saw each other and said our goodbyes indirectly. You know what, i don't even remember saying Goodbye. Weird. Did I? Whatever, I don't remember. Haha. I guess a part of me didn't want to say goodbye. Okay, so here's the pitch. I didn't expect any of this to happen. I really didn't. On that first night, I thought that was going to be the last time i'd see him. I thought the same for the 2nd and 3rd days. Okay, so i was totally wrong. For some weird reason, this dude wanted to hang out with me, even if he just met me. He knew I was leaving so my negative mind started to kick in. One, he knows i'm leaving so he's just taking advantage of the short time and having fun? Two, are men this romantic in Paris? Like is this their 'way of life'. Three, Why go through so much effort in seeing me for 2 hours and travel back home that's so far away? This is a little fishy. What does he want at the end of all this? I gave myself the whatever and let it all happen. Ms. Over-thinker had to shut up and just let herself enjoy the experience!!! I got a glimpse of what could be. I'm not saying HIM in particular, but if I did have someone, what it would be like now. I'm a different person from 3 years ago and I am proud of becoming more mature, so this fling was different. It made me realize that holding hands is nice. Short and sweet kisses are perfect. Having someone to hug and hold when you had a bad experience is nice. There was this one night where I got hugged by a wet and drunk dude on the street who was telling me he loved me... I told him about it and in a heartbeat, he told me he would come to me instead of me walking to him. I mean, it's a small gesture but it means a lot, you know? Or like the fact that he took the time to come over so i could watch the Eiffel Tower's light show from my rooftop. Or like me paying for our drinks instead of him. I really got a glimpse of who I could be as a girlfriend to someone who cared and listened. Someone who will show interest in what I do or think. Someone who will share stories with me and make me laugh. I know our little fling was a vacation thing. I don't hope on anything, really, but I do appreciate and thank him for what he did. He doesn't know any of this and that's fine, haha, but yah, I'm grateful that I met him. I really am and that's why I miss him. To all the lonely hearts out there, don't shut your heart. Don't ever believe that you're meant to be alone. Be patient because someone will come your way and see your worth. Yah, my experience was short, but it opened up my mind and heart to many possibilities. Do the same for yourself because you won't regret it. Of course, protect your heart, but don't be scared to feel SOMETHING amazing. Last week was just horrible. Actually, the past month has been horrible. It was bad news after bad news. It was like a ton of bricks were being dropped on my head over and over again. Honestly, without this dude, I would sink down so fast and I would have probably done something I would totally regret.
I honestly do not have a long list of close friends, but I do have that ONE FRIEND who gives a crap about what goes on in my life. He makes an extra effort into making sure I'm okay. He pushes me to move my ass, even if things are difficult. The best part? We have a simple friendship and I love it. We're two really dorky and geeky kids-at-heart. Polar Opposites, but two peas in the pod when it comes to the heart. He's cheesy as hell and I'm not. He's short and I'm tall. He's gay and I'm straight. He's a boy and I'm a girl. Blahblahblah. Haha. BUT, we both have a same love for video games, food, being lazy on weekends, late night coffee shop conversations, movies, and men. Haha. I'm so grateful for what he's done for me recently. I actually don't feel like I'm alone in this and that's just awesome. I have support (oh yah! Mercy and Lucio mains in action!). I owe him and it's all good. Thank you, Jan Carlo. You're the bestest! I waited for a long time to get this because I was waiting for the right time. To start this off, no one's perfect, we all understand that, but with all the mistakes and challenges I've faced, I had to know that change happened and I actually [did] fight (stand up). I had to know that I gave everything to be able to face my demons. I had to know that no one shook my grounds, but at the same time, accepted that things had to change - and the only person who was capable of acting upon it was me.
We all have special stories to tell. How I met these dudes definitely falls under the category of "friendship stories worth telling!"
It was back in July 2016 when I first grouped up with these guys on Overwatch. They were complete strangers to me except for JC, but during that time, he and I weren't close at all. Actually, we used to hate each other back in college. HAHA, but that's all in the past now! Anyways, so every night we would all group up and eventually, shared stories, facebooks, instagrams, and etc. We would tag each other on facebook and talk like best buds on our FB group chat. Inside jokes happened and teasing each other with crazy things - the list goes on and on! The level of comfort was already there. The trust was present. Today, it makes sense why we stayed friends despite just meeting on the "interwebz". Haha. When we met up at Rue Bourbon, maaaan, it was like we were friends for a very very very long time! I found that cool and interesting because I was with a group of people who were just as geeky and crazy. The Overwatch jokes never stopped and I love that because if it was any other group of friends, no one would get why I was laughing so hard! It felt good to be around these guys and I know it's a unique kind of friendship. We're all geeks and nerds so, of course, the conversations never died. It really felt like we were just a bunch of friends who grew up together and so happen to play Overwatch. Hahaha. I'm glad they're in my life. Hands down. I'm pretty sure we've all got an awesome bond going on and I wish it never goes away! Thanks, guys! I had so much fun! Christmas celebration always kicks off with the Castillo's Annual Charity party of the sitio kids and it's always fun and exciting! Seeing all the happy faces and giving out joy was awesome! Of course, eating Chicken Joy is always something we look forward to doing. Haha. Then we feast! We say our prayer and stuff our tummies with all the food we could eat! And then comes the most important part of the night, GIFT GIVING! I was so excited to give the two lil' ones (Lucas and Anika) their gifts because I knew they would love them! I got them Nerf guns and hahaha, my gifts were a hit! Darts flying everywhere! Totally worth it! Of course, the night ended with the awesome family pic and look at all the smiles! This year was extra special because we were complete. Everyone flew back home to be with the whole clan for this holiday and come on! That's super duper awesome! Thank you, God, for my family because they're the reason I keep going. They give me all the strength and motivation I need. They bless me with all the great lessons about life. They teach me to be compassionate and kind. Thank you for another year with them! It was exactly 1 year ago when I made the decision to start collecting Lego. I'm proud to say that I'm officially a builder and the dream of being a master builder is on its way. My other dream of completing my very own Town / Village is also in the making and I can't help but feel a huge amount of happiness because this is exactly what I wanted!
I finally found something that I can drift off to when I need some zen time. I have something that needs dedication and passion for it to come alive. I am glad that I finally have a hobby that tickles my mind and make me want to know more. This is what I've been looking for and I'm just so happy I didn't give up on this dream (and I'm going to continue this hobby). For years, I've jumped from hobby to hobby, trying to find something that would make me genuinely happy - something that will help me deal with my issues / problems. I wanted this 'thing' to be something healthy. I was so confident that drinking my pain away was useless in the long run. I wouldn't be proud of myself. Yup, Lego did it. Happy 1 year Lego Anniversary to me! I told myself I was not going to miss APCC this year! I saved up and allowed myself to go absolutely insane! No regrets. Haha. Of course it's not as big as other Comic Cons and I expected more people to cosplay, but then again, I didn't attend all 3 days. I had so much fun though! I had good company and lotsa things to look at. All the talented comic book artists in one place? All the vinyl toy sellers in one place? All the board games, shirts, jackets, and stickers in one place? It was geek paradise! Haha.
I met up with JC and the both of us were so eager to scout the place for hot geeks, sexy cosplayers, and our gorgeous / handsome friends. This was a [sort-of] milestone for us because our Overwatch Group met for the first time. Ijon had a booth with Playbook, so of course, we, together with Miggy and MJB hung out there for a bit to talk. The best part was it seemed like we've all hung out already (not just online). Everyone was who they were online and I adored that! These guys are wonderful. I feel blessed to have met them. We did clicked well together and that's what's important. When it was closing time, we even had dinner together and it was another round of geek talk which was AWESOME. Thanks to all the people who talked to me about geeky things. Thanks to all the sellers who gave me good prices on everything I was looking for. Thank you to the Lego Peeps who continued to support my obsession! Thank you to LONG LIVE PLAY PH for allowing me to sit down at their booth! |
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October 2022
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